BLU Pyro
Mumbles BLU Pyro
blupyrowiki.png
Continuity Team Fortress 2
Age ???
Species Human
Hair Color BURNED THE HELL OFF IT IS A MYSTERY
Eye Color Blue
District Western District
Journal mmmphh
Player Nicole
Theme Song Led Zeppelin - Black Dog

"HUDDA HUDDA HUDDA."

Appearance

99.7% of the time, the BLU Pyro can be seen in her natural habitat of a rubbery blue fireproof suit and a modified Soviet GP-5 gas mask. Often, Pyro will even forget to take these things off in situations that usually call for it, e.g. swimming pools, bathtubs, family baby showers, etc. If and when these outer layers are shed, however, what is underneath is comparable only to a burned-to-a-crisp hamburger from your dad's cookout last 4th of July, only take about fifty of those burned to shit chunks of meat and mash them together into the form of a semi-obese woman.
Pyro has not had many dates in her lifetime. Pyro cannot figure out why.

History

Pre Nautilus

Going by the few still-living people that know her, Pyro apparently was just a nondescript little fat girl who had an almost Aspergian obsession with fire and also diving headfirst into open fires HER LOVE OF THEM WAS JUST SO GREAT SHE COULDN'T HELP HERSELF so obviously camping trips were out of the question here. The aftermath of all this fire loving left her with massive disfiguring hypertrophic burn scars over 99.9% of her body very early on, so even when the suit and mask come off, it's literally impossible to determine her race. People often wonder how she managed to live through all that AND TO YOU MY ANSWER IS THIS IS TF2 MEDIC HAS A MEDIGUN AND AUSTRALIA IS A MOON COLONY DON'T ASK SO MANY HARD QUESTIONS HERE, but to keep her body from locking up entirely from the GIGANTIC BURNS, Pyro got heavily into physical therapy and then strength training, and while she never managed to lose much weight from it, she became creepily strong from it all.

The strength could also be a result of possible inbreeding. But nobody knows.

As time went on and she continued to seek jobs that more and more involved dealing with LOTS AND LOTS OF FIRE and subsequently having to wear body-covering hazmat suits and the like (mostly on the suggestion of her employers so that her appearance wouldn't freak the other employees out), Pyro was eventually recruited by the Builders League United, a company that controlled half the world, in the 1960s, where she took up the mantle and gas mask and asbestos-filled suit of…well, the Pyro. Despite the Builders League United and its opposing company, the Reliable Excavation Demolition, both being owned by the same C.E.O., Pyro and the rest of her team are pitted in a nonstop death match against the enemy team, one where individuals are killed many times yet always are regenerated back to life through the respawn system.
ANYWAY one day she got shot in the gas mask so into the respawn she went and out she came in some other place that was not Egypt or Payload or wherever she'd previously been. VERY STRANGE OH MY.

The Present

Work in progress, but these are really the important things:
a. Nobody can understand Pyro. = Everyone is hard of hearing.
b. People won't stop talking about Sleeping and Waking and Bending. = Everyone is insane.
c. Pyro is insane.

Personality

Despite being a burned-to-hell-looking monster, Pyro is quite friendly and sociable when around people who are not RED team members, because then she will drop everything and try to set them on fire and then it's a whole big to-do. Unfortunately, Pyro seems completely oblivious to the fact that next to no one can understand her due to the fact that she only speaks in garbled MUMPHs and MMPHs and the occasional HUDDA. Many believe it's the gas mask she wears that causes this distortion, but apparently her face is just so badly burned that this is just how she actually talks even when it's off. People looking to make heads or tails of her speech need to spend a lot of time around her to decipher it or just keep an eye on her body language to get the basic gist of whatever she's going on about. Usually people just make up something that offers as a translation of what she's saying, and Pyro apparently is fine with that.

As far as the Pyro's mysterious gender goes, it is next to impossible to tell based on voice alone, leading a lot of people to call her the wrong thing or just nothing at all. Pyro never bothers to correct anyone on this matter, as she either does not care or, more likely, is utterly unaware that people are even having problems with pronouns.
Pyro is unaware of many things.

Crafty as hell, Pyro's weapons are all homemade and/or misused items, one of her melee weapons being an ax wrapped in barbed wire and her iconic flamethrower being slapped together mostly from cannibalized gas station parts and a propane tank. One would think this would be heavy like nothing else, but the Pyro seems to have little trouble running around with it in hand due to her creepy strength.

Pyro also seems to be the owner of a goofy sense of humor, which is a little less funny and a little more disconcerting whenever she's got the mask and suit off and then this big fat hamburger-looking woman is running at you wearing a propeller beanie trying to make you laugh. Despite being burned beyond belief and a paid murderer, she does indulge in more girly things from time to time, flowery items being a favorite of hers if the cute floral purse she takes with her everywhere is any indicator. Manicures are also awesome even if she only has three remaining fingernails - by god, they will be the prettiest three fingernails you ever saw if she has anything to say about it. She also is SUPER DUPER into rock music and loves playing the guitar in her spare time; when a guitar is not around for these purposes, she is fine with air guitaring like an idiot on whatever is available.

Like all other members of team RED and team BLU, the Pyro has a bizarre obsession with hats.

Abilities

Typically Pyro acts as a team assistant. She is more than happy to use her flamethrower's airblast to put out comrades who happen to be on fire, setting Spies trying to sap sentries on fire, homewrecking enemy dispensers and then setting their Engineers on fire, etc. Should you be on Pyro's side in any kind of physical spat, she will do her best to give you a hand when she's not busy W+M1 setting people on fire. THE CALL TO SET PEOPLE ON FIRE IS JUST SO STRONG YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES SHE JUST CAN'T HELP HERSELF.
Pyromania aside though, weirdly enough, Pyro can actually do something like a fiery hadouken that can K.O. foes in one (correctly landed) shot. For whatever reason though, she rarely does these.

Items Possessed

- one metal pipe
- one V-esque hat (BURNED UP IN AN EPIC HOUSE EXPLOSION)
- one large box of hats (BURNED UP IN THE SAME HOUSE EXPLOSION)
- one tank of gasoline (KINDA CAUSED THE HOUSE EXPLOSION WHOOPS)

Relationships

Starscream
HE'S A GIGANTIC TALKING RED DISPENSER JESUS CHRIST. Pyro is a little spooked of Starscream because of this misconception, mostly because in her mind, the one who built this gigantic RED dispenser is obviously a gigantic RED Engineer.

V
Pyro is more or less neutral about V, though she envied his hat SO BADLY that she managed to bend one into existence for herself before she knew what bending even was.

Jun
This kid has a monkey that breathes fire and this is so incredible to Pyro SHE LOVES THIS KID GOD ANY KID WITH A MONKEY THAT BREATHES FIRE IS AN AWESOME KID

Allenby
Pyro doesn't know too much about Allenby, but she has blue hair and that obviously means she's a good guy.
Logic Pyro, logic.

Kairi
THIS KID IS A SWEETIE Pyro is currently trying to give her a sparkly blue princess hat but alas does not know where Kairi even lives.

Sora
Sora has some strange ideas about writing things down and Pyro taking her mask off. Pyro is convinced that Sora is hard of hearing since he can't understand her very clear and concise MMPHs and HUDDAs.

Zack Fair
TERRIFYING GHOSTLY VOICE IN HER HEAD THAT IS ALL SHE KNOWS

Nightwing
Gigantic talking BLU dispenser? Pyro is a little confused as to why all the Engineers in this level are gigantic.

Tali
Obviously another Pyro, duh. Tali's mask is a little weird though. Also her PURPLE colors. Did somebody make a third team without telling Pyro?
Christ nobody tells Pyro anything anymore.

Terris
Terris is a dog that started talking and Pyro just threw her hands up and stopped asking questions altogether. Otherwise, he's a very nice dog and Pyro likes him even if the whole talking thing secretly creeps her out.

Jürgen Wulf
MEDIC WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

Aya Brea
VERY UNHELPFUL BLONDE LADY even though Aya did send her maps and the like STILL SHE IS VERY UNHELPFUL SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL PYRO WHERE THE CONTROL POINTS OR PAYLOAD CARTS WERE

Monoko
Monoko mimics Pyro with the MUMPHs but that is very weird Monoko nobody speaks in MUMPHS what is this

Martha Jones
Neutral, but Pyro did drop all her hats when she was trying to show off her hat-piling skills at Martha, so probably when she sees her from now on, she's going to get a little depressed at the hat avalanche memory. It was a very sad time.

Kyle Madigan
ASSHOLE THINKS A BEAR COSTUME TRUMPS A SPY DISGUISE PLZZZZZZZZZ

Miscellaneous

Fan Soundtrack

EXPECTATIONS GO OUT THE WINDOW WHEN MR. WOMAN COMES TO TOWN

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